


Never Leaving

by Pearl_Unplanned



Series: Cap_Ironman Bingo 2015 [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cap_Ironman Bingo, Community: cap_ironman, M/M, POV Second Person, Stony Bingo, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, technically also Tony/Pepper, technically pre-stony, until the end, with a break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4925167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearl_Unplanned/pseuds/Pearl_Unplanned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You love him. You hate that it's not 'like' anymore, that it's progressed as far as love, but you can't deny it. You love him. You love him so much that it hurts. You love him so much that every time you see him, your heart clenches painfully inside, shattering a little more every time he uses the word 'friend' or 'buddy' or even once or twice 'bro'. You love him so much that you can't imagine life without him.<br/>You love him so much that you want to let him go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> Cap_Ironman Bingo square: Writing Format: Second Person, "S2" on my board.  
> And if you aren't able to tell once you read the story, it's Steve's POV/2nd person.

 

            You don't hate him when you first meet him, but it's obvious that he's got something against you. You don't hate him when you start arguing, either, because you admire the fact that he's able to face off against you when too many other people have looked at you as an idol instead of as a human being. You don't hate him when you can't agree on anything, but you are mad at him, and you do show it.

            You hate it when he tries to do exactly what you told him to do and 'take one for the team', because it's your fault that he almost died. It's your fault that you almost lost him, just when you started to realize _why_ you wanted to argue with him. When you two argued, his attention was on you, the passion in his eyes was _all for you_. And _you_ almost lost him.

            It was only a crush at first, you knew so. The feelings that you felt for him weren't much, or at least that's what you try to tell yourself. It doesn't work very well, but it makes it hurt less when you two become friends.

            "You're a great friend," he says, and it hurts because that's all you'll ever be. But it's enough, you tell yourself, because you're in his life, and being in his life is all that matters. If you weren't still a part of his life, a part of his world, you wouldn't know what to do with yourself. You feel out of place, out of time, and he's the only thing that makes you feel _needed_. He wants you around; he doesn't _need_ you like you need him, but him wanting you is enough. That's what you tell yourself. It's enough.

            "You're a great friend too," you tell him, because it's the truth. He's shown you the world, not giving up when you don't always understand what he showed you. You love the way that he never gives up on you, always keeping your best interests at heart. You love the way he takes time out of his rather busy schedule just to show you some movie that you missed, or teach you how to properly use a smartphone.

            You love him. You hate that it's not 'like' anymore, that it's progressed as far as _love_ , but you can't deny it. You love him. You love him so much that it hurts. You love him so much that every time you see him, your heart clenches painfully inside, shattering a little more every time he uses the word 'friend' or 'buddy' or even once or twice 'bro'. You love him so much that you can't imagine life without him.

            You love him so much that you want to let him go.

            He's happy. He's not with you, he has someone to love, and he's happy. And you're happy that he's happy, because he means everything to you.

            You can't bear to see him happy with someone else, because it _hurts_ , and there's only one thing in the world that's able to hurt you right now. Him. Because your love for him is so strong that seeing him with others physically pains you to the point of leaving.

            So you leave.

            He calls you, he begs you to come home. He swears that he'll change, he'll do whatever he can to bring you home. He wants to know what he did wrong. You try telling him that he did nothing wrong. It didn't have anything to do with him. You just couldn't stay there anymore. You tell him that you have things to figure out, that being at the tower is distracting you.

            He's sad. You know that you've hurt him, but you also know that if you go back to the tower, you won't be able to control yourself. You'll have to tell him, and he won't understand your feelings, and then you'll ruin your friendship and it'll destroy you. So you don't go back.

            Seeing him when the team is called together is rough, but you put on your best 'everything is okay' smile and you handle it all professionally. He's happy to see you, and asks you to come home again—he calls it _home_ , like you belong there, and you hate yourself when you turn him down again. You hate that you cause the hurt look on his face, you hate that you have to be the one that's hurting him.

            It's a month later when he calls you again, and you decide to answer. He's already stopped calling for every day when you stopped answering, when it started getting too hard for you to talk to him, but this call is unexpected, so you answer it. You answer because it's like there's something else going on, like you can tell that he's not okay.

            He's crying. He calls you and he's crying, but it's not because of you. He's not crying because you're gone. He's crying because _she's_ gone, because he thinks he messed up again, and now she's left him.

            "I'm coming home," you say, because what else _can_ you say? You need to be there for him, whether or not being around him is the best idea.

            You go home. It's rough, walking through those doors and over to the elevator. You've got so many seconds to think that it's a mistake. The entire ride up, you regret coming back. You regret coming back home. You regret showing up, because once you see him, you're never going to be able to leave again.

            You don't regret coming home when you see his face. His eyes are red with sleeplessness, and you can tell that he's been crying for a long time. It doesn't look like he's slept in days, and you know that he can't possibly be properly taking care of himself. You run to him, you gather him in your arms, and you apologize for leaving him for so long. You promise that you'll stay by his side, that you'll help him through this, that everything will be okay in the end.

            He's drunk. It doesn't take you long to notice, but you know he's drunk when he starts talking about how much he wants to kiss you right now. It hurts to hear it, because you wish it could be true, but instead you take him to his bedroom and you hold him until he falls asleep.

            He's not crying about you, he's crying about her, and you hope that he doesn't remember anything in the morning. You don't want to leave now, not after you're finally back home again.

            "I'm sorry," you tell him, but you know he's asleep. This is the only time that you can talk to him freely. "I'm sorry, but I had to leave. Can't you see how much I love you?"

            You don't sleep that night. You stay up thinking about him, about why he was so hurt by you leaving before. You eventually head down to the gym, since you haven't been there in weeks. You avoid him the next day, not because you don't want to see him, but rather because you don't know how you'd react if you saw him.

            It doesn't take him too long to track you down and corner you. "What's wrong? _I'm_ the one who got dumped!"

            "I'm sorry," you say, because it's all you've been able to say, it's all you're ever able to say to him. You're not good enough. You're never good enough, not for him. That's why you had to leave. "I... I want to help you, I do, I just... I can't..."

            "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asks you, and there's this sad look in his eyes. His eyes usually had this sharpness to them, but they were so soft right now. "You... you should've told me. When did you know... how long...?"

            "What?" you ask, because he's talking nonsense.

            "You told me you loved me last night," he says simply. "I heard you... you _said_ that. How _long_ have you loved me? How _long_ has this been going on?"

            "Years," you whisper, because he deserves the truth. He's always deserves the truth. "I thought you were sleeping."

            "I'm glad I wasn't," he replies, and he takes a step towards you. "I'm going to need some time... A lot of time. It's going to take a while. But please... don't leave again. I... I can't handle you leaving again."

            "I won't," you promise, and you mean it. You can't leave him again. You know it in your heart, you'll never be able to leave again.

 


End file.
